Sinking

My medications seem to be under control, but for all that I feel like it's all getting worse. My family does not have the ability to help me as much as I need them too, and I still have no idea when the thoughts in my head are my own vs. my depression.

I am so confused and frustrated, and I keep thinking that it might be easier if I just end it. It's not what I would have chosen but I feel like I am running out of options, and I don't have the strength to fight for myself anymore. I could just push all my depression deep down, but it won't stay down there forever and the next time I loose it I might be much worse off.

The medical community has made it even harder to get professional help here. I have a wonderful therapist thankfully, but I have to jump through hoops now to try to get a psychiatrist.

I feel so out of control, so sad and so lonely. I cry every day when I get up. I go to work and am lucky enough to put most of it out of my head for a little while. Then I go home and it all comes rushing back in, hitting me like a tidal wave so I cry some more.

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